B V S E D

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i can’t wrap my head around what he just did after what i just did. it’s hard loving me + i’m really pushing him these days. really pushing him. i am too much. in the most serious way. but what did he do after i had the biggest emotional / depressive episode ever? my panick attack, my anxiety, and whatever else is haunting me right now. after one of our biggest, most horrendous fights ever? after i actually thought it was over for a second. after he hung up on me and didn’t call back, for the first time. i prayed. i actually prayed that i didn’t fuck it up this time. i begged. i don’t even know who i was praying to. he showed up at my door. he actually physically showed up. i honestly said to myself that if this guy shows up by some miracle, which i didn’t think would happen, at all, that i have to relax with him. and that he is something damn special. and that we are something damn special. wow. i still can’t believe it. no one has ever loved me this much while i am dealing with so much. i was touching his face when he came because i couldn’t believe it. it’s hard to put into words about what just happened but i don’t want to ever forget it.